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[laughter] >> jon: all right. i just popped in here. i'm not exactly sure what the story is going on here, all the hubbub about the migraines and anything, but did i miss a larger previous issue or michele bachmann came out in favor of slavery? but, of course, my favorite, favorite one happened in the heat of a conversation. see if you can catch the statement of clarification that probably won't do fox news psychaiatrist and part-time lex luther impersonator keith ablow any good. >> i'm not sure if you see a little girl as her breasts being sexual that that doesn't reflect more on you. >> i assure you i'm not a pedophile at all. >> jon: at all. nailed it. we'll be right back. [cheering and applause] >> jon: welcome back my guest tonight, he's a writer. his new book is called the president and the as assassin: mckinley empire at the dawn of the century." please welcome scott miller. thank you so much for being here. [applause] thank you for joining us. >> my pleasure. >> we're very excited. big mckinley fans out there tonight. [applause]
[laughter] >> jon: all right. i just popped in here. i'm not exactly sure what the story is going on here, all the hubbub about the migraines and anything, but did i miss a larger previous issue or michele bachmann came out in favor of slavery? but, of course, my favorite, favorite one happened in the heat of a conversation. see if you can catch the statement of clarification that probably won't do fox news psychaiatrist and part-time lex luther impersonator keith ablow any good. >>...
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. >>> coming up, jon stewart cannot help himself. he cannot control his deep desire to make gay jokes about michele bachmann's husband. so he needs a therapist to help him pray away the gay jokes. that therapist is jerry seinfeld. you'll have that latest in the show. don't miss it. >>> and later, when republican house leader eric cantor says he will never vote for a tax increase of any kind, he is forgetting one little thing about his own record on taxes. luckily for him and the political media has also forgotten it, too. but i'll be reminding him and the political media of the day eric cantor voted to raise income taxes. that's in my "rewrite" tonight. 50 billion network devices will roam the earth. that's seven devices per person. this will change how we work in ways we've never before imagined. what do you need to secure your people, their devices, and your business? a network that can evolve and grow to protect your human network. ♪ [ male announcer ] the davis twins... ...are alike in nearly every way... ...right down to brush
. >>> coming up, jon stewart cannot help himself. he cannot control his deep desire to make gay jokes about michele bachmann's husband. so he needs a therapist to help him pray away the gay jokes. that therapist is jerry seinfeld. you'll have that latest in the show. don't miss it. >>> and later, when republican house leader eric cantor says he will never vote for a tax increase of any kind, he is forgetting one little thing about his own record on taxes. luckily for him and...
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. >>> coming up, jon stuart cannot help himself. he can't help but make gay jokes about michele bachmann's husband. so he needs a therapist to help him pray away the gay jokes. that therapist is jerry seinfeld. >>> and when eric cantor says he will never vote for a tax increase of any kind, he is forgetting one little thing about his own record on taxes. luckily for him, and the political media has also forgotten it too. but i'll be reminding him and the political media of the day eric cantor voted to raise income taxes. that's in my "rewrite" tonight. in financial transactions... on devices... in social interactions... and applications in the cloud. some companies are worried. some, not so much. thanks to a network that secures it all and knows what to keep in, and what to keep out. outsmart the threats. see how at cisco.com cisco. the 3.6-liter pentastar v6 engine in the jeep grand cherokee has a best in class driving range of more than 500 miles per tank. which means you don't have to worry about finding a gas station. which is g
. >>> coming up, jon stuart cannot help himself. he can't help but make gay jokes about michele bachmann's husband. so he needs a therapist to help him pray away the gay jokes. that therapist is jerry seinfeld. >>> and when eric cantor says he will never vote for a tax increase of any kind, he is forgetting one little thing about his own record on taxes. luckily for him, and the political media has also forgotten it too. but i'll be reminding him and the political media of the...
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perfect time to roll out my new jon stewart brand speedos. >> if more states legalize gay marriage, god will destroy america. yeah, and then god will rebuild america into the greatest dance club the world has ever known. >> finally, new york state's gay and lesbian community are free from the burden that was having to set foot in connecticut in order to get married. oh. really? the nuptials are in stanford. hmm. >> anybody here for the gay pride parade yesterday? i went dressed as michele bachmann. >> michele bachmann said her home town of waterloo, iowa is the birthplace of john wayne when actually it's the birthplace of john wayne gacy. >> i think there is something to that. like gacy, people might think you're a clown if they dig a little deeper, they'll find that you are deadly serious. when you stumble on facts, don't get back into a corner. you double down. you say not only do you have the spirit of john wayne gacy, you've got the eyes of a young charles manson. >> john quincy adams most center was a part revolutionary war era. he was a young boy, but he was actively involved. >>
perfect time to roll out my new jon stewart brand speedos. >> if more states legalize gay marriage, god will destroy america. yeah, and then god will rebuild america into the greatest dance club the world has ever known. >> finally, new york state's gay and lesbian community are free from the burden that was having to set foot in connecticut in order to get married. oh. really? the nuptials are in stanford. hmm. >> anybody here for the gay pride parade yesterday? i went...
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. >> jon: not at all. great to see you, man. >> thanks for having me on. >> come back and see us again some time when you're putting together anything excited we need to know about. >> no, pretty much just wanted to come on the show for the people that really hate me. some people just don't like anything about me. i'm still here. can i tell you something? >> jon: he's a very pleasant man. fun at parties. that is correct, as well. "born free" is in the stores right now. you can catch kid rock on tour. you can buy bad ass beer. you can only buy it in singles, though, unfortunately. >> only in michigan. >> jon: only in michigan and only in singles. good to see you. kid rock. [cheering and applause] what's up, smart? oh, just booked a summer vaycay. ooo. sounds pricey? nah, with the hotels.com summer sale, you can find awesome deals for places nearby. interesting... wow, i'm blown away. you look great. hotels.com summer sale, save up to 30%. and get a free kindle. hotels.com. be smart. book smart. >> jon: that
. >> jon: not at all. great to see you, man. >> thanks for having me on. >> come back and see us again some time when you're putting together anything excited we need to know about. >> no, pretty much just wanted to come on the show for the people that really hate me. some people just don't like anything about me. i'm still here. can i tell you something? >> jon: he's a very pleasant man. fun at parties. that is correct, as well. "born free" is in the...
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. >> and finally, on this friday, let's end it with humor courtesy of jon stewart who offered the special take on a serious candidate tim pawlenty campaign. let's watch. >> well, let's see where governor tim pawlenty is. he has $4.5 million raised this quarter, but he struggles against the perception that he is -- former minnesota governor tim pawlenty kicked off three weeks of barnstorming in the anticipated fox straw poll with a warning that iowans should not waste their support on charismatic candidates who cannot win. >> ooh, tim pawlenty taking a bold stand against charisma. [ laughter ] hey, look, this is not a popularity contest. oh, it is? oh. >> will anyone in this field inspire the conservative voters or do we have the wait for someone like sarah palin or donald trum tp to have the charisma that jon stewart was f stewart. i think secondly, governor pawlenty has a point, we should be voting on records which means we shouldn't be voting for pawlenty. >> connie shorts on this hot friday. thank you very much. >> reporter: thank you. >>> now to the state of the american family and th
. >> and finally, on this friday, let's end it with humor courtesy of jon stewart who offered the special take on a serious candidate tim pawlenty campaign. let's watch. >> well, let's see where governor tim pawlenty is. he has $4.5 million raised this quarter, but he struggles against the perception that he is -- former minnesota governor tim pawlenty kicked off three weeks of barnstorming in the anticipated fox straw poll with a warning that iowans should not waste their support...
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eat fresh. >> jon: welcome back. my guest tonight professor at new york university's stern school of business, his new book which he coauthored is called "guaranteed to fail fannie mae, freddie mac and the debacle of mortgage finance." please welcome to the program matthew richardson. sir -- [cheers and applause] thanks for being here. >> feels good to be here. >> jon: the book is called guaranteed to fail. it feels like they haven't gotten a tremendous amount of attention as far as our entire mortgage debacle and crashing of the echmm. [laughter] what is your feeling -- are they primarily responsible for this collapse? partially? >> yes. i think there should be tremendous outrage at the mortgage finance system. fannie and freddie were smack in the middle of this. you took the two firms with public government backing. they went from just a little bitty players in the early 1980's to at the time of the crisis they owned 50% of mortgage market, $5 trillion of mortgage debt at risk with little capital underneath it and
eat fresh. >> jon: welcome back. my guest tonight professor at new york university's stern school of business, his new book which he coauthored is called "guaranteed to fail fannie mae, freddie mac and the debacle of mortgage finance." please welcome to the program matthew richardson. sir -- [cheers and applause] thanks for being here. >> feels good to be here. >> jon: the book is called guaranteed to fail. it feels like they haven't gotten a tremendous amount of...
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[laughter] >> jon: jon stewart, "the daily show." i have a quick question. as a frequent radioshack customer, i may be qualified to tell you what may be an issue with your plan, but go ahead. >> the problem with it was the limited battery life. [laughter and applause] >> jon: see, the batteries at radioshack are designed to work with one of those little remote control helicopters that work... once. [laughter] so now that we know the g.p.s. tracking system for the assault rifles we sold mexican cartels didn't work, how do we find out where the guns are? what is plan "b"? >> the only way you're going to find those guns in mexico is where? >> at crime scenes in which either the bad guy was killed and his gun was left at the scene or used during the commission of a crime in which the gun was left behind. >> jon: okay. [laughter] so our plan to prevent american guns from being used in mexican gang violence is to provide mexican gangs american guns. [laughter] to use according to our plan. [laughter] how exactly did we convince the mexican government to cooperate
[laughter] >> jon: jon stewart, "the daily show." i have a quick question. as a frequent radioshack customer, i may be qualified to tell you what may be an issue with your plan, but go ahead. >> the problem with it was the limited battery life. [laughter and applause] >> jon: see, the batteries at radioshack are designed to work with one of those little remote control helicopters that work... once. [laughter] so now that we know the g.p.s. tracking system for the...
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jon, grow up. ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: welcome back. my guest tonight on broadway starring in how to succeed in business without really trying. you may know from harry potter and the deathly hallows, part 2. >> can you see anything? >> everything you touch will multiply. >> jon: come on. that looks cool. please welcome daniel radcliffe. ( cheers and applause ) nice to see you. thank you for being here. >> thank you very much. >> jon: i don't want spoilers. i don't want... i've not had a chance. does he get his ring back? >> yes. he's the central character in this film. >> jon: what an exciting time. how are you feeling right now? is it excitement over having this done? is it melancholy? bitter-sweet? what's the feeling? >> i don't know. it's weird. in the london premiere i was very emotional. i was kind of... it's been a year since we started filming. i guess i'm kind of focused on the show at the moment as well as still doing it eight times a week. i don't know. >> jon: are you doing the show tonight? >> no, no. monday is our night off
jon, grow up. ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: welcome back. my guest tonight on broadway starring in how to succeed in business without really trying. you may know from harry potter and the deathly hallows, part 2. >> can you see anything? >> everything you touch will multiply. >> jon: come on. that looks cool. please welcome daniel radcliffe. ( cheers and applause ) nice to see you. thank you for being here. >> thank you very much. >> jon: i don't want...
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. >> jon: on fox news watch. >> this is the most humble day of my life. >> jon: news corporation's chief rupert murdoch makes a heart felt statement during the u.k. phone hacking scandal. his appearance with his son james was big news there and big news here. how else did the media react and what else have we learned about the scandal. >> republicans have laid out a responsible and detailed path forward, and the house has passed it. >> jon: the house passes a plan to fix the debt crisis, but the media condemn the effort. >> do we really have time for a plan that is really just show? >> and the great debt debate goes on with more distortion from the liberal press? >> there he's saying brinksmanship, trickery around the time of a deadline just to get your way is sort of economic terrorism. >> has the negative media coverage hurt the effort. >> g.o.p. presidential candidate michele bachmann goes on the defensive after a negative story about her health and ability. did that story fail the journalistic ethics test? >> having fired the imagination of a generation, a ship like no other, its pla
. >> jon: on fox news watch. >> this is the most humble day of my life. >> jon: news corporation's chief rupert murdoch makes a heart felt statement during the u.k. phone hacking scandal. his appearance with his son james was big news there and big news here. how else did the media react and what else have we learned about the scandal. >> republicans have laid out a responsible and detailed path forward, and the house has passed it. >> jon: the house passes a plan...
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comedy central >> jon: welcome to "the daily show"! my name is jon stewart. good show tonight! we got a nice one for you tonight. our guest tonight, npr's juan williams will be joining us. (cheers and applause) really? he's not there anymore? (laughter) well, i'll definitely ask him about that. (laughter) but we begin, of course, with our ongoing national crisis. (laughter and applause) one week, ladies and gentlemen, for our two parties to agree to raise the country's arbitrary debt limit for the 102nd time for the drop-dead august 2 catastrophic ultimatum we've already moved twice. (laughter) and so it was under these conditions that president barack obama interrupted a bachelorette's search for love... (laughter). ... to take that long walk down "we killed bin laden" lane. >> tonight i want to talk about the debate we've been having in washington over the national debt. >> jon: the debate we've been having? (laughter) is that what that noise out of washington's been? it sounded like an a elephant seal trying to (bleep) a truck! (laughter) actually, that footage is from a few
comedy central >> jon: welcome to "the daily show"! my name is jon stewart. good show tonight! we got a nice one for you tonight. our guest tonight, npr's juan williams will be joining us. (cheers and applause) really? he's not there anymore? (laughter) well, i'll definitely ask him about that. (laughter) but we begin, of course, with our ongoing national crisis. (laughter and applause) one week, ladies and gentlemen, for our two parties to agree to raise the country's arbitrary...
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. >> jon: so.... >> a good school. >> jon: go fightin' fishers. we're close to hitting the bullshit ceiling. why should we worry? >> jon, if we reach the point where the amount of bullshit exceeds the amount of actual things we will effectively default on reality. it's already started happening. >> if you want an abortion you go to planned parenthood. that's well over 90% of what planned parenthood does. >> trying to ask what he was talking about there. i just want to give it to you ver bait... verbatim. his remark was not intended to be a factual statement. >> did you see that? when jon kyl got called on his bullshit his response was to get angry at people for expecting something other than bullshit. ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: in this time of crisis, why can't we just raise the bullshit ceiling? >> this isn't an arbitrary figure like the debt ceiling. this is real. and if we can't cut the bullshit, then there's only one solution: we as a nation need to start replacing shit with farts from our butt. >> jon: come on, jason. >> watch. factual a
. >> jon: so.... >> a good school. >> jon: go fightin' fishers. we're close to hitting the bullshit ceiling. why should we worry? >> jon, if we reach the point where the amount of bullshit exceeds the amount of actual things we will effectively default on reality. it's already started happening. >> if you want an abortion you go to planned parenthood. that's well over 90% of what planned parenthood does. >> trying to ask what he was talking about there. i...
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>> jon: that's our show. join us tomorrow night at 11:00. another guest will be here. [laughter] i don't... i can't think of the name. here it is, your moment of zen. >> she's actually very talented. if you go to the end of the hbo special, the lady gaga hbo special and you watch her sing a cappella "born this way," she captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( applause ) [cheers and applause] >> stephen: very nice. [cheers and applause] [crowd chanting stephen] [cheers and applause] thank you so much, ladies and gentlemen. thank you for is joining us. that is the pure uncut stuff you just gave me. i wish i could cook you people up in a spoon. folks, we are only 16 months away from the 2012 presidential election. i'm as excited as a kid on the 483rd night before christmas. [laughter] and what's got me jazzed is that the republican field is brimming with superstars. i don't know how i'll decide between the ten of them. it's like an all-you-can-eat you got
>> jon: that's our show. join us tomorrow night at 11:00. another guest will be here. [laughter] i don't... i can't think of the name. here it is, your moment of zen. >> she's actually very talented. if you go to the end of the hbo special, the lady gaga hbo special and you watch her sing a cappella "born this way," she captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing...
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[laughter] >> jon: so even student council is bad? >> well, it's a gateway office, jon. [laughter] >> jon: john, i have a friend. i want to talk to you about him, a teenager. his son is a teenager, recently turned sullen and combative, and he's quite secretive. >> well, lucky him, john, he's okay. a time to worry is when your child becomes suspiciously extroverted, if he's suddenly fond of corny jokes or likes to walk around the dinner table shaking hands and asking, what's good here? what are we eating? when the neighbors bring a baby over, does he kiss it repeatedly on the cheek over and over again looking for the cameras? if so, bing, you he could be looking at four to eight years in the illinois statehouse followed by 15 to 20 years in prison. >> jon: terrifying, john. do you think it's getting through to the next generation? >> we can only hope, but it's not for lack of trying. already they're launching a statewide campaign to keep kids on the right track. talk to your children, jon, talk to your kids before it's too late. >> jon: thank you so much, john oliver with
[laughter] >> jon: so even student council is bad? >> well, it's a gateway office, jon. [laughter] >> jon: john, i have a friend. i want to talk to you about him, a teenager. his son is a teenager, recently turned sullen and combative, and he's quite secretive. >> well, lucky him, john, he's okay. a time to worry is when your child becomes suspiciously extroverted, if he's suddenly fond of corny jokes or likes to walk around the dinner table shaking hands and asking,...
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. >> jon stewart says he is both liberal and fair. is he really? >> did jon stewart mock republican presidential candidate herman cane because he's a black man? >> he gets away with one sided attacks. are. >> jon stewart needs a lessen on truth telling. >> kerimen -- herman cain says that he was mocking him. >> i guess everyone got the
. >> jon stewart says he is both liberal and fair. is he really? >> did jon stewart mock republican presidential candidate herman cane because he's a black man? >> he gets away with one sided attacks. are. >> jon stewart needs a lessen on truth telling. >> kerimen -- herman cain says that he was mocking him. >> i guess everyone got the
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[laughter] >> jon: really? >> i don't make the rules, jon. jon >> jon: look. if even that guy raised taxes, doesn't that at least challenge the current republican belief system? >> cynics like you are always looking for doctrinal contradictions. >> jon: the rich now have way more wealth and income even since the 80s. republicans think tax cuts raise revenue, why not cut taxes to zero. >> jon, let me tell you parable. a holy man was in the desert and the multitudes came and said, we have no food. he said, here are five loaves and two fishes and so it was that the holy man and one of his friends sat down and ate a [bleeped] load of fish sandwiches. [laughter] >> jon: what about... [applause] what about the multitudes? >> what about 'em? are you suggesting that socialist redistribution of fish and bread? why punish the most successful fisherman? >> jon: look, i don't thi i understand this parable's message. how do the multitudes eat? >> that's not the holy man's problem. am i my brother's keeper? >> jon: that's a biblical saying. cain said that when he's trying t
[laughter] >> jon: really? >> i don't make the rules, jon. jon >> jon: look. if even that guy raised taxes, doesn't that at least challenge the current republican belief system? >> cynics like you are always looking for doctrinal contradictions. >> jon: the rich now have way more wealth and income even since the 80s. republicans think tax cuts raise revenue, why not cut taxes to zero. >> jon, let me tell you parable. a holy man was in the desert and the...
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>> jon: but isn't that... isn't it easy to say that it's a very easy thing to do to dismiss it, not all organizations that claim to be partisan are as such and they're not all created equal and what is the thing that is stymieing the debate? or allowing it to be honest? what is it that's preventing, in your mind, the honest aspect of it? >> because i think people don't listen. i think that it's right now as i said people get locked into one perspective or another and, you know, it's part of what's going on. and gulf stream to web sites with other like-minded people. they even get into subgroups of that web site and if you're not exactly on target, you're a bad guy. if you don't agree with me, you're a traitor. the last book i wrote "enough" was about bill cosby and cosby saying "we've got problems in the black community, out-of-wedlock births, high dropout rates, acceptance of the drug culture. we have to stop this." and cosby, all of a sudden he was labeled a bad guy, he's airing dirty laundry. look at what's
>> jon: but isn't that... isn't it easy to say that it's a very easy thing to do to dismiss it, not all organizations that claim to be partisan are as such and they're not all created equal and what is the thing that is stymieing the debate? or allowing it to be honest? what is it that's preventing, in your mind, the honest aspect of it? >> because i think people don't listen. i think that it's right now as i said people get locked into one perspective or another and, you know, it's...
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my name is jon stewart. welcome to the daily show. my name is jon stewart. our guest is daniel radcliffe. the star of the new flick harry potter and the half billion dollars in worldwide weekend gross. so exciting tonight. i found out something scientifically i didn't know was possible. a canadian with breed with a german. did you know that? ( cheers and applause ) i don't even know how they fit them together. they've created a new species of canad-erman. you know what? no fooling around. our top story tonight, of course, the debt ceiling. our ongoing segment. that is in no way hyperbolic as america mes closer to laying out a blanket in front of our garage and selling off all our old board games it has become clear that time for action is short. >> theate president says he wants an agreement. >> president obama set a deadline. >> president obama now says it's decision time. >> jon: snap, commander in chief throwing down a deadline. on friday the president of the united states broke out his "i mean business" podium. >> we are obviously running out of time. so
my name is jon stewart. welcome to the daily show. my name is jon stewart. our guest is daniel radcliffe. the star of the new flick harry potter and the half billion dollars in worldwide weekend gross. so exciting tonight. i found out something scientifically i didn't know was possible. a canadian with breed with a german. did you know that? ( cheers and applause ) i don't even know how they fit them together. they've created a new species of canad-erman. you know what? no fooling around. our...
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jon jon this movie, this movie, tell me about... you look very good. >> are you ever cutting to camera three? if you're not, [bleeped] the tie. i don't care. >> jon: give him three, chuck. look, look, look. oh, no, that's not working. can i tell you something, though? i like it, though. it has a certain... there's a debonair quality to it. you don't look disheveled. no matter what i do, i look disheveled. you look very sharp. >> tommy cleans up good. >> jon: tommy does clean up good. tell me about this "larry crowne." it seems like a "stella gets her groove back" for middle-aged white guys. [laughter] chew on that. chew on that. >> i'm going to. >> jon: enjoy that one. >> it started off going for that target audience, as a matter of fact. i find the middle-aged white guys are not represented enough in today's american media. [laughter] >> jon: they are victims in many respects. >> they are indeed underlings. >> jon: they are underlings. tell me about this julia roberts. she seems to have a few... >> she's a nut. she's an absolute co
jon jon this movie, this movie, tell me about... you look very good. >> are you ever cutting to camera three? if you're not, [bleeped] the tie. i don't care. >> jon: give him three, chuck. look, look, look. oh, no, that's not working. can i tell you something, though? i like it, though. it has a certain... there's a debonair quality to it. you don't look disheveled. no matter what i do, i look disheveled. you look very sharp. >> tommy cleans up good. >> jon: tommy does...
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jon, grow up. jon, grow up. >> jon: ...was it something big? ...or something small? ...something old? ...or something new? ...or maybe, just maybe... it's something you haven't seen yet. the 2nd generation of intel core processors. stunning visuals, intelligent performance. this is visibly smart. ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: welcome back. my guest tonight starring in how to succeed in business without really trying. you may know him from harry potter and the deathly hallows part 2. >> can you see anything? >> everything you touch will multiply. >> jon: come on. that looks cool. please welcome daniel radcliffe. ( cheers and applause ) nice to see you. thanks for being here. >> thank you very much for having me on. >> jon: i don't want spoilers. i don't want... i've not had a chance. does he get his ring back? >> yes. he's the central character in this film. >> jon: what an exciting time. how are you feeling right now? is it excitement over having this done? is it melancholy, bitter-sweet? >> i don't know. it's weird. when we were at the london premiere i was gettin
jon, grow up. jon, grow up. >> jon: ...was it something big? ...or something small? ...something old? ...or something new? ...or maybe, just maybe... it's something you haven't seen yet. the 2nd generation of intel core processors. stunning visuals, intelligent performance. this is visibly smart. ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: welcome back. my guest tonight starring in how to succeed in business without really trying. you may know him from harry potter and the deathly hallows part...
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[cheering and applause] >> jon: that's our show. join us tomorrow night at 11:00. tom hanks will be in the studio. here it, is your moment of zen. >> tonight i am going to tell you that jon stewart, because of what he did, is a racist. i don't believe that, but i'm going to tellcaptioning sponsory comedy central >> stephen: tonight, big news for wal-mart, not wal-mart big but big. and then animals respond to advertising. you know what they say? leg humping sells. [laughter] and my guest alexandra pelosi made a documentary about immigrants becoming u.s. citizens. i'm going to watch it backwards and make them all leave the country. [laughter] the pope wrote his first tweet today. he is truly the vessel through which god wastes time. [laughter] this is "the colbert report." ["the colbert repor captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( applause ) [cheers and applause] >> stephen: thank you very much. very kind. [cheers and applause] welcome to the report, everybody. thank you for joining us. [cheers and applause] thank you so much. [cheers and app
[cheering and applause] >> jon: that's our show. join us tomorrow night at 11:00. tom hanks will be in the studio. here it, is your moment of zen. >> tonight i am going to tell you that jon stewart, because of what he did, is a racist. i don't believe that, but i'm going to tellcaptioning sponsory comedy central >> stephen: tonight, big news for wal-mart, not wal-mart big but big. and then animals respond to advertising. you know what they say? leg humping sells. [laughter]...
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is jon stewart, man! do we have a good show for you tonight. tonight's guest peter tomsen, author of a new book "the wars of afghanistan" that's right, plural, wars. as you know, debt ceiling discussions, coming down to the wire. political leaders on both sides pulling out all the stops. all the stops. like the kind of stops that high school football coaches use before homecoming games in particular at thiscious small towns. >> kevin mccarthy a third ranking republican in the house urged republicans to unite behind boehner's plan by showing this clip from the movie "the town" >> the town? (laughter) "the town", no rudy-- "rudy" "brian song" or "300" or "rocky" or "rocky 2" or "rocky 3" or really any of the "rockies" you went with the boston bank rubbers in nun costumes clip. >> well, there is going to be good. (laughter) let's see the clip-- (cheers and applause) >> that the republicans used, let's see the clip that the republicans used to urge their hard line tea party freshman coalition to drop their ob
is jon stewart, man! do we have a good show for you tonight. tonight's guest peter tomsen, author of a new book "the wars of afghanistan" that's right, plural, wars. as you know, debt ceiling discussions, coming down to the wire. political leaders on both sides pulling out all the stops. all the stops. like the kind of stops that high school football coaches use before homecoming games in particular at thiscious small towns. >> kevin mccarthy a third ranking republican in the...
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broke, unemployed shall, endlessly deployed. >> jon, jon, jon, you're hurting. i know that. >> jon: wow!, john oliver, how did you get here? >> jon, i got here the way the british people who bring comfort have traveled for hundreds of years. a magic cloak and umbrella. that is how i got here. (applause) >> how do i get here every day. >> jon: yeah. i guess you saw, i was away for a week, i come back. the news is just bleak and i'm in a bad way. >> i saw that. corruption of your national institutions have got enyou don't, haven't they, chappy? >> jon: only a trusted friend could through perhaps a comparative back and forth put my troubles in perspective. i think that would be -- >> have no fear ♪ ♪ england's here ♪ to make you feel ♪ a ittle etter ♪. >> jon: what, what just happened to your con son ants. >> we took them hem when we're elping eople. >> jon: that's charming. i think are you in own your head, quite frankly. we have real trouble in this country. >> right, jon, what would england know about a dying empire with rotting institutions. well, let
broke, unemployed shall, endlessly deployed. >> jon, jon, jon, you're hurting. i know that. >> jon: wow!, john oliver, how did you get here? >> jon, i got here the way the british people who bring comfort have traveled for hundreds of years. a magic cloak and umbrella. that is how i got here. (applause) >> how do i get here every day. >> jon: yeah. i guess you saw, i was away for a week, i come back. the news is just bleak and i'm in a bad way. >> i saw that....
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jon jon what do they want foreigners to know when they become a citizen? >> a lot of multiple choice questions, but nothing absports. not one sport question. >> jon: what did they ask about? >> history, politics. >> jon: please. we don't know anything about that. why should you have to? well, it's always very nice to see you. and you'll come back for the wizard of oz prequel because i'm excited about that. is it for kids, too? >> yes, yes. >> jon: "the whistleblower" opens in new york and l.a. august 5th. expands to other cities throughout august. >> jon: that's our show. join us tomorrow night at 11:00. here it is, yourme
jon jon what do they want foreigners to know when they become a citizen? >> a lot of multiple choice questions, but nothing absports. not one sport question. >> jon: what did they ask about? >> history, politics. >> jon: please. we don't know anything about that. why should you have to? well, it's always very nice to see you. and you'll come back for the wizard of oz prequel because i'm excited about that. is it for kids, too? >> yes, yes. >> jon: "the...